One Lame Excuse

I heard this excuse for a separation, and potential divorce, the other day and I thought I would share my thoughts about it here.

“I feel like my wife and kids are holding me back from my full potential of serving God.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! Are you absolutely insane!!! Gentlemen, this ranks right up there with the old Bible College pick-up line of “God told me we are suppose to be together.” How absolutely lame. (Ladies, and men teach your daughters this, if you ever hear that line your response should be, “Well then I’ll let you know when God tells that to me, see ya.”)

Let me first address the issue of family. They in no way are any kind of hindrance. In fact they are to be your biggest area of support. God created woman to be a companion and help-meet to man. In Genesis 2:18-25 God saw that it was not good that man was alone; he knew he needed companionship and comfort. The Psalms are riddled with the attributes of good women and how blessed it is to have one of these good women as a wife.

As far as the children are concerned, they are blessings from God. One could say that you are right where you need to be, doing what you should be doing, if God continues blessing you through the creation of children.

But let me get to, what I see as, the heart of the matter.

Note that “heart” is bolded because this is the root of all of your problems sir. For some reason you are discontented in your life and this is probably due to your choice. Yes choice; or choices.

First, did you choose to marry this woman? Yes.

Second, did you choose to have children? Yes

Third, did you choose to “serve the Lord” with this wife and these children in the picture? Maybe not at first when you were a child, but Yes.

You chose the path that you are on and you are choosing to be discontented and unhappy. As such it is time to realize that truth and come to grips with it.

There are always going to be bumps in the road, and no marriage is 100 percent perfect. I know that my marriage was in absolute shambles for a number of years. Part of the problem was my feelings of discontentment in many areas that affected my marriage, and part of it was my marriage. One thing that helped it start to turn around was when I realized, or decided, that yes I did make this choice and no matter what, I need to stick with it. What helped in that choice was the realization that I am a putz and what I have been blessed with as a wife is insurmountably more than I have ever deserved. You chose your wife for a reason, rediscover that and hold on to it everyday. Do not simply toss away your best friend because you are “unhappy”.

One more issue about the “excuse”. If you feel held back from serving the Lord, then what do you think getting a divorce will do? I mean DUH, it will absolutely ruin your ministry. God compares a marriage to Christ’s relationship with the church. As the world looks at a Godly marriage, it should see Christ. This is one of the most important relationships on this planet because of what it represents. To say that you need a separation or divorce in order to fulfill your potential for Christ goes against the very teachings you are trying to promote.

My wife and I will sometimes be joking around and one of us will be messing with the other. One of us will then usually say, “You love me.” To which the other will jokingly say, “I have to.” We are just messing with each other, but there is so much truth in that. We made a choice to be with the person that we married. We have placed our order and given the menu back to the waiter, no changing dinner. God calls us to be faithful in our marriages for it is to be an example to the world of His love for His church, His people.

If you are feeling trapped, or controlled, or in any way unhappy, get over it, quickly. Understand that you made this choice and you have to stick with it. If you truly put your heart into it, you will find fulfillment in your marriage. If you put forth no effort at all, it will definitely fall apart.

As men we are called to hold it together. As Ephesians 5:25, 26 states, we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, sacrificially. Did Jesus give up when the disciples fell asleep on him? Did Jesus give up when Peter denied him? Did Jesus give up when he was beaten within an inch of his life and hung on a cross? No, no, and no. So too are we to fight for our marriages and find fulfillment in our wives and in our children. It is a command from our Holy, Perfect, and Loving GOD.